Saturday, 12 September 2009

untitled 'supermarket nightmare' #2 novel

After entering the untitled 'please write my novel for me' competition as part of the original untitled 'supermarket nightmare', I won the chance to continue the story by way of offering to write the most chapters (127) and being the only person to enter.

From Tuesday 28th of August, 2007, until Thursday 14th of February, 2008, I wrote a sequel to the untitled 'supermarket nightmare' novel, called untitled 'supermarket nightmare' #2. I posted one chapter per day, apart from the times when I was 'away', or feeling uninspired. The novel is 127 chapters long. It is just under 34,000 words in length. I cannot write short chapters. In the beginning, I wrote "a sequel, of sorts, to the untitled 'supermarket nightmare'" at the top of the blog. This was a mostly accurate description.

There were three competitions.

1) Name a chapter
2) Write chapter 111 and
3) Please write my novel for me

People entered the competitions.

Links to all of the untitled 'supermarket nightmares' can be found here.

Here is a summary of the main events of the original untitled 'supermarket nightmare' novel:

The protagonist ("_____") works in the Fresh Produce department of a supermarket.
He has just split up with his girlfriend ("Carol").
His Boss issues many confusing and ineffective instructions.
The protagonist spends his days moving bananas, apples and peaches around, but mostly bananas.
He struggles to get over the end of his relationship with his girlfriend.
Staffing problems at the supermarket, due to the non-appearance of one person ("Linda") cause difficulties for the protagonist.
He investigates.
A new girl ("Carmella") captures the protagonist's attention.
He tries to work up the courage to woo her.
His Boss is replaced by a new manager ("The Turtle"), who maintains productivity, morale and discipline through the liberal use of her whip.
The protagonist's housemate ("Ian") disappears.
The new manager declares the Fresh Produce department to be in direct competition with Thornton's and their chocolate fountain.
The new girl invites the protagonist over for dinner.
The protagonist splits up with his ex-girlfriend ("Carol") again, just to make sure.
He goes to the new girl's house for dinner.
They have a nice time.
She reveals that she is leaving soon to return home, to the Philippines.
She encourages him to quit his job.
His housemate reappears.
He decides to quit his job.

*

Here are chapters 1-127 of untitled 'supermarket nightmare' #2:

Chapter 1: I will quit today. I will.
Chapter 2: cigarette #2
Chapter 3: 'Cock legs'
Chapter 4: what Linda did
Chapter 5: 7 minutes
Chapter 6: OHP
Chapter 7: time off
Chapter 8: froth
Chapter 9: dinosaur dream
Chapter 10: potato
Chapter 11: cake
Chapter 12: museum piece
Chapter 13: House
Chapter 14: hot air balloon
Chapter 15: message from Carmella
Chapter 16: management tool
Chapter 17: supermarket property
Chapter 18: Denis
Chapter 19: Emily
Chapter 20: Emily, again
Chapter 21: Freddie
Chapter 22: too close
Chapter 23: contents of the folder
Chapter 24: the return
Chapter 25: questions
Chapter 26: goodbye
Chapter 27: dying, a little
Chapter 28: sex dream #5
Chapter 29: banana genetics
Chapter 30: delicatessen
Chapter 31: letter in my pocket
Chapter 32: departure
Chapter 33: Ned Kelly
Chapter 34: more fish, more sea
Chapter 35: Nina
Chapter 36: cigarette #3
Chapter 37: Team Team
Chapter 38: letter to Carmella
Chapter 39: oranges
Chapter 40: dinosaur dream #2
Chapter 41: fruit testing
Chapter 42: in my dreams I watch Emily dance
Chapter 43: hot air balloon #2
Chapter 44: another missing pillowcase
Chapter 45: pillowcase nightmare
Chapter 46: sunlight
Chapter 47: stage bananas
Chapter 48: outbreak
Chapter 49: quarantine
Chapter 50: banana foot and mouth scare
Chapter 51: extract from Sigatoka Fever: everything you need to know about banana foot and mouth disease
Chapter 52: banana bonfire
Chapter 53: new shirt
Chapter 54: sex face
Chapter 55: 6.17 pm
Chapter 56: forgotten grandmother
Chapter 57: furry light
Chapter 58: message from Emily
Chapter 59: the pay-off
Chapter 60: taking charge
Chapter 61: ...before turning the whip on myself
Chapter 62: a tearful confession
Chapter 63: sex dream #6
Chapter 64: clamlife
Chapter 65: 'JOBS'
Chapter 66: plans & subterfuge
Chapter 67: morning light
Chapter 68: overtime
Chapter 69: stocktake
Chapter 70: plans & strategies
Chapter 71: the heist
Chapter 72: reality
Chapter 73: fantasy
Chapter 74: letter from Carmella
Chapter 75: suspect morals
Chapter 76: evidence
Chapter 77: cigarette #4
Chapter 78: recluse
Chapter 79: back to work
Chapter 80: tortoise
Chapter 81: dream of a dragon boat
Chapter 82: new manager #2
Chapter 83: a man of few words
Chapter 84: goddamn you
Chapter 85: manifesto
Chapter 86: a new direction for a new department
Chapter 87: Don Juan lives again
Chapter 88: dark and thinking
Chapter 89: seated stand-up
Chapter 90: the start of the best dinner date in the history of dinner dates
Chapter 91: why 'Cock legs'?
Chapter 92: bananarama
Chapter 93: first time
Chapter 94: dinosaur dream #3
Chapter 95: concertina memo
Chapter 96: sometimes I am asleep but my eyes are open
Chapter 97: things that make me think of Carol
Chapter 98: with Emily (Carol?)
Chapter 99: rearrangement
Chapter 100: bananas x 100
Chapter 101: end of the day
Chapter 102: the challenge
Chapter 103: everything is opposite
Chapter 104: there is no hurry, we shall get there some day
Chapter 105: then the letting go
Chapter 106: letter to Carmella #2
Chapter 107: the _____ identity
Chapter 108: the _____ conundrum
Chapter 109: did I stumble?
Chapter 110: the kingdom
Chapter 111: My Heart Will Go On
Chapter 112: keen eyes and insect asses
Chapter 113: Nivaria
Chapter 114: infringement
Chapter 115: cigarette #5
Chapter 116: gimlets, lifelike
Chapter 117: somehow, I will make everything alright
Chapter 118: memo (Turtle)
Chapter 119: why it is a bad idea to bring bananas on trans-Atlantic flights
Chapter 120: the director, the bishop, the actress and the actress's boyfriend
Chapter 121: questions #2
Chapter 122: miniaturisation
Chapter 123: I am still in love with Carol's knee
Chapter 124: distillation
Chapter 125: dinosaur dream #4
Chapter 126: fresh produce nightmare
Chapter 127: the end